Diagnosed OCD

Hello, welcome to my OCD post. Before I start I just want to run through a few things. I have diagnosed OCD. If you’re a person that likes everything neat and tidy all the time and get annoyed when it’s not tidy, you probably don’t have OCD. In fact, saying “I’m a little OCD” or “Tidy up, I have OCD” is a little bit insulting to people with OCD. My flat is a mess the most of times, it’s not always part of my OCD.

That being said and out the way let’s talk a little more on OCD and what it really means. Obsessive Compulsory Disorder is just that, a obsessive nature. Trust me it sucks. I get obsessed about so much and it bugs the hell out of me,  the disorder also is known to get worse when a person is stressed or if they have other mental health conditions that are also under extreme pressure or worse at the time.

You can find more information on the Mind charity website however I’m going to highlight some of the things that I obsess about, some things that really hurt my brain, yes hurt my brain; a mental discomfort did I mention it sucks? Here’s a list.

  • When something is out of place.
  • If I’ve not done something twice.
  • Deadlines, facts and figures.
  • People.
  • Past events.

That’s to name a few. Do you ever lay there in bed and think “urgh why did I say that thing last week, it made me look stupid!”. Well imagine that but imagine still being hung up about something you did 7 years ago, it might be something like trip in front of the whole class at school or something tiny like forgetting to say I love you on the phone to your mum! It will play on a persons mind for years.

I’m afraid the obsessions are just the first stage. Negative thoughts are the second. If you don’t want to hear about the type of negative thoughts people have then I would suggest exiting the page, some of them can be rather depressing! I’m going to summaries them in a little list below so that they’re easier to digest, I would say that if you don’t have OCD and you’re just here to understand it a bit better. Look at one of the points and then imagine that every other day for a year.

Graphic writing below. Click this page for something happier.

  • Action: Not saying I love you on the phone to your mum. Thought: Fuck, shes going to get into a car crash now and I’ll never see her again all because I didn’t say I love you to her, I’m such a horrible person why am I such a failure.
  • Action; Someone not following a deadline, such as not getting university work grade back on time. Thought: Great I’ve failed, just like everything else in my life. I might as well go and apply for McDonald’s now although they won’t have me because I’m so fucking thick and worthless.
  • Action: Not turning the lights on twice or making sure that the door is locked twice. Thought: Great now we are going to get robbed in the middle of the night, they’re probably going to rape my partner and then kill me!
  • Action: Not going to the toilet before dinner, every day even if you don’t need to go. Thought: I’m going to piss myself half way through dinner, I’m going to be laughed at and degraded and my partner is going to leave me.

There you have it. Depressing isn’t it. If you got this far and you’re a little disturbed, feel what it’s like for a person who goes through this daily. Then imagine sitting in front of them and asking them to take their shoes off because you’re a little OCD. Or saying something like ” I don’t see what the issue is”. Think about the detrimental effect this can have on a person and their mental well being.

As I said before, a person who has OCD doesn’t always go through this. There are days when I hardly even notice it, days when my Behavioral personality disorder is so bad that my OCD kicks in and in overdrive. If I could turn it off, I would in a heart beat. All I can do for now though is try and educate more people and remind people that they’re not alone and if they are feeling like I’ve described then to go and seek help. It doesn’t matter who you are, find the professionals to help you.

So that was kind of heavy and I’m sorry. It’s good to know about these things though. Mental health awareness is on the rise, for example I’m now on the mental health committee at university. A group of us are making sure the university is more mental health friendly and aware; which is such a positive thing to be doing!

If you want more advice, help and explanations on mental health please check out my other posts. I’m no expert and if you need help seek a professional. I know what I’m going through and ways that I cope so if you’re like me and have the same diagnoses check out my posts!

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